What Is Going On?

These days it seems that Sin City has moved to DC. Is everyone in DC a felon of some sort? The list is surprising...

• Karl Rove - I figured I'd start with the big kahuna. Given that the investigation is still! not over and Rove keeps getting called back to the Grand Jury, either Patrick Fitzgerald has a man-crush on the evil-genius, Republican-mastermind, destroyer of all that is good or Rove is going to be indicted (praise the Lord!).
• Scooter Libby - Sure he outed a CIA agent to help pave the way for the administration ill-advised and ill-fated war in Iraq, but things are looking up for Scooter. It's possible he might have some company in his hard, dark, cold cell in the form of one Karl Rove.
• David Safavian - I never thought procurement was very exciting. But as the chief procurement officer of the OMB, a position that requires little in the way of gray matter but provides access to tons of dough, Safavian spent time playing golf with Abramoff in Ireland. Who's he kidding? Free trips and golf for kicking a few contracts Abramoff's way... must have sounded like a good deal.
• ex-Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham - Can there be a more apt name for a pimp? Well, it makes sense given that he was one of the key members of what is being called "hookergate". So not only did he accept cash bribes from defense contractors, he also accepted women. Errr... talk about your dirty old men.
• Kyle "Dusty" Foggo - What is with these names? I, for one, am no longer going to trust anyone with a strange pornstar-ish nicknames. And what is with the whole sex, money, and defense contractors drama? Perhaps female government officials should deal with unscrupulous contractors, god knows, they are less susceptible to such temptations.
• Rep. Bob Ney - Things just go from bad to worse for this poor schmuck. The dark cloud of Jack Abramoff has just gotten larger with the betrayal of his former aide, Neil Volz. Volz already pleaded guilty on corruption charges and it likely to testify to Ney's susceptibility to "inappropriate gifts" (e.g., money, lots and lots of money).
• Rep. William Jefferson (not quite Clinton) - So apparently Democrats have caught the corruption bug as well. Things aren't looking up for this Rep from Louisiana, his constituents are underwater and understandably upset, his briber has confessed all, and he was caught on tape by a woman - for shame!
• Claude Allen - I always suspected certain Republicans considered themselves above the law, but typically they go for broke - bribery, corruption, and the like. But apparently, they are not above petty, plebian criminality either, like shoplifting from Target (or as I like to call it, Tarjay, French things always seem more classy). I hope he at least got something nice for all his troubles!
• Rep. Cynthia McKinney - Oh no you didn't... punch a police offer. Talk about Law & Order. In the long ago episode where they wrote off Chris Noth, he punched a politician in the nose and was banished to Statten Island. Who thinks Georgia voters are going to vote McKinney out? maybe to Arkansas?
• Rep. Patrick Kennedy - Oh, you gotta love those Kennedy boys! Whether it's driving the intern off a cliff or popping some happy-pills, we can't seem to get enough. One thing's for sure, Kennedys' and cars don't mix. Pat, if there is anything daddy should have taught you, that's it!
• And let's not forget our old, almost-forgotten favorites... like Tom DeLay and Jack Abramoff, who keeps dragging the Republicans down. Keep it comin'!

And on a more random note. Just what is up with Ashlee Simpson's nose? Sure her nose was weird, but after Jennifer Grey got her nose job did anyone remember her? Jennifer who? Yeah, nuf said.