Not Desperate Enough...

No one seems to watch Desperate Housewives with me anymore. At first I thought it was me. But now after finally watching this episode, I have come to the conclusion that it is the show. I don't even want to watch it with me anymore. Here's why...

• Susan. Are you as bored of her as I am? Why didn't she just drown? Susan, Ian, and Mike. The drab three. I literally yawn when any of them are on camera. I mean we already know Susan is going to dump Ian's ass, take his money, and go back to Mike. Might as well fast forward to the next act.
• Edie and Carlos. No. Yuck! Although Carlos did always want a kid. Must delete.
• The Scavos are being destroyed! Lynette would not cheat, certainly not when Tom is literally flat on his back, and not with an ex-coke snorter. She can do better than that. The Scavos are the dysfunctional, love-hate, suburbia couple I aspire to be. You can't destroy them now. You already almost did that with Tom's demon spawn earlier.
• I am not sure Gabby has done anything useful since she convinced little wannabe models to turn bulimic. Her holier than thou stunt with the mayoral candidate was more juvenile than Season 1 Gabby. And his ultimately successful attempts to get her back were pathetic. I mean come on man! She stole you ex-wife's couture. Gold digging slut vs. power player politician. I would go for the latter, but then that's just me.
• I miss Bree! I miss her stepford wife-ish Breeisms. The way she can give you the verbal ass kicking of your life all without breaking a sweat or showing a frown line. I guess while Bree's daughter is having Austin's illegitimate child in Florida or whatever, Marcia Cross had her twins. Sadness. Bree/Marcia... come back before I give up on this show forever.

This show needs some major changes, starting with a real villain. I thought Orson would be it, but then they redeemed him. And now he is apparently just like his SATC alter ego, except he can get it up. Oh, and while you are finding a new villain Cherry&Co, it might be a good idea to dig up a real plot. The will she or won't she with Susan is getting really old, really fast.

Disappointments?

This week has been thoroughly disappointing on a number of fronts.

1. NCAA Basketball - Who are the people who put together these polls? And why is the Big Ten getting like no respect? It is unbelievable. Only three teams in the Top 25. My annoyance knows no bounds!


2. ABC Drama - So I used to be a huge ABC fan: LOST, Desperate Housewives, Grey's etc. But there haven't been new episodes of LOST in months, and watching Kate and Sawyer get their groove on has scarred me for life. Personally I think LOST is going the way of the X-Files with unresolved plot lines and too many random characters. Don't even get me started on Grey's. That show just annoys the beejeezus out of me. George the "sex machine"? WTH? I thought he was gay. What was it Isaiah Washington called him? If by the end of the season every intern hasn't slept with every resident at least once I will be officially shocked. And while Prestina is one of the all time annoying couples of primetime, if Addisex happens, I think I may, to quote Addison, vomit in my mouth.


3. Desperate Housewives - Are we already on reruns? Talk about disappointing. That being said, I do rather like this episode. The Gabby-Carlos battle has just begun escalating to War of the Roses proportions. And the pre-Marcia Cross pregnancy episodes are nice, in that Bree's breasts are not bigger than her head.


4. The Super Bowl - I know it hasn't happened yet, but I am already disappointed and waiting for next year. The Bears bore me. Rex Grossman couldn't throw a football if his life depended on it. And I am so over the Colts. Every year is supposed to be the year of Peyton, but it never is. There is no reason to think this year will be any different.


5. Housing Costs - A 440sq ft apartment for $2900/mo. That's over $6.50/sq ft/month. That's like the cost of a lunch per sq.ft. per month. Talk about intense. At this rate renting a cardboard box in Manhattan will run me upwards of a $100/mo, especially in a chic neighborhood. How on earth did Rachel afford her fabulous Manhattan apartment on a Barrista's salary?


6. Bad Books - I have read too many as of late: The Last Templar, True Lies of a Drama Queen, Love, Rosie. It is time for me to return to good book reading. Next on my list is Elementals. I have faith is A.S. Byatt!


7. Baking - I actually tried to be domestic and failed! Not enough eggs to make cupcakes, so I tried cookies. But they burned. And they were hard. And it was tragic. Thank god for conversation hearts. They take the edge off things.

A Night of Revelations

I thought this was actually one of the better episodes of Desperate Housewives in awhile.

• Romancing the Stone. I liked the shout out to the old Michael Douglas - Kathleen Turner movie. The Gabby-Carlos pairing has improved significantly since they decided to give Carlos a backbone. His line about Gabby screaming dollar amounts when she climaxes was pretty funny. Let's see what happens next week. It appears the on-again, off-again couple are back on-again. The writers need to give these two something else to do before they turn into the Ross and Rachel of Desperate Housewives -- oh, wait. They already have...
• The Chinless Wonder. There is something about Julie that has been bothering me for awhile, and I finally figured it out. She has no chin. The doctors from Grey's need to get her some chin implants - Stat! Seriously, looking at her is almost painful because now I know what it is about her that is bothering me. And the sad thing is, she isn't unattractive. Still it looks like Julie has hit pay dirt because if the previews are to be believed she is going to be hooking up with Edie's nephew. And while Austin may not be as hot as John the Gardner, he is definitely a notch up from Zach the psycho stalker/murderer or any of the other Wisteria teenagers (e.g., Andrew the gay sociopath). Besides which, I kind of like the way they snark at each other.
• How the mighty have fallen. Bree has been ever more annoying since she became Mrs. Orson Hodge. I don't even understand how their whirlwind romance occurred, and I am a little disappointed that Andrew hasn't tried to bust it up. But perhaps he is waiting for the union to go up in flames, as I am sure it will. Still Bree is largely responsible for what happened. Carolyn Bixby is as Stepford-ish as Bree. Bree should have known learning of her husband's affair would send Carolyn over the deep end. And then to turn a grocery store hostage situation into a gourmet, TV-viewing event, is beyond tacky. The Bree I know and love from Season One never would have done that...
• The Body. How is it that Edie is always in the smallest outfits possible? She had some fabulous lines in today's show though... (1) when she tells Austin that she's disappointed he didn't steal better whisky, (2) when she tells Mr. Bixby to "take one for the team"... I wonder what she is going to say when she finds out that her nephew is hooking up with the spawn of her arch-nemesis.
• The Death. There was no one else to kill besides Nora, yet some how her death seemed a bit too pat. It tied up the Tom-Lynette storyline a bit to cleanly. Still it was great that she managed to call Lynette a "stupid bitch" before she died...

Did I miss any other important moments in the show? Let me know!

Weekend Recap

I spent the weekend in Vermont. The middle of nowhere Vermont, but I still managed to keep up with all the important stuff!

College Football
* Michigan State lost again! and this time to Indi-frickin'-ana. I don't know what to say anymore, other than that this sucks big time.
* And just to spite me, the football gods made Princeton lose this weekend to Cornell which had yet to win an Ivy League game this year. Still there is hope. Yale (currently on top) still has to play both Princeton and Harvard.
* Oh happy days. USC finally lost. This day has been a long time coming, and they are lucky it didn't happen earlier this month. But I do take some perverse pleasure in the fact that their loss came to an essentially no name Oregon State. There is justice!

Desperate Housewives
* Oooh that Orson Hodge is a bad apple, and he just keeps getting badder. I liked him a lot better when he was Charlotte's husband on SatC, even though he was impotent.
* This must have been the week of the weak men getting back bones, because finally Carlos got Gabby good. She better watch out because it looks like her soon to be ex- is on the war path.

Nostalgia
* Remember the 'yep, yep' aliens from Sesame Street? They were awesome. Check them out on You Tube.